Surviving

It's been a while since I posted last, and I'm not sure why. Obviously I've been busy, isn't everyone? But I think the true explanation is that I haven't been doing well lately, at all, and I haven't wanted to share that with you all because, well, it's embarrassing, and it shows how weak I truly am, which I hate. I hate that my day is dependent on a stupid pill that if I don't take sends me into a depressive spiral that seems near impossible to come out of.  Now some reading this may be thinking something like "how sad you don't know that the pill is just a placebo effect and your depression is really you" and I must say I can't argue with that, because the research that has been done on depression has so many mixed conclusions the only answer we truly have is we don't understand it at all, but to this I say, even if it is a placebo effect, which I personally don't believe is true, but even if it is, the pill still  makes my days livable, and I hate being dependent on it.  But that's life, or so I'm learning, so I deal with it and try to look for my blessings in the mix.

The past few days I've had a scripture from the bible come to my mind many times and I want to share it with you now.  It's found in second Corinthians chapter 12 and is verses 7-10. It reads,

 9And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.
 8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.
 9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

I love this scripture very much.  I feel it teaches a valuable principle about being weak and not being ashamed of it.  So here we have Paul, one amazing man, and he says that he has a thorn in his flesh.  Now, we do not know what this thorn is exactly, but I doubt it was an actual thorn stuck in his skin, so for this blog's sake we are going to say that his thorn in the flesh is one of mine, depression.  Now here's the part I like the most. So Paul is thinking "man, if I could only get rid of this thorn (depression) I would be so much more able to serve The Lord and do his will."  So in faith Paul goes to God and asks not just once, but THREE times to have his thorn removed.  He is sure that with the thorn gone he will be much better at serving The Lord, but The Lord says differently.  He says, (And this God talking) "my grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness" wow.  After hearing this Paul then realizes the lesson The Lord just taught him and says that he now rejoices in his infirmities,(aka depression in my case) for Paul knows that when he is weak, then he is strong.  Now I don't see myself rejoicing in my depression, so I guess I should start learning how to do that so I can be made strong.

What great counsel from our loving Father in Heaven who loves each and every one of us so dearly.  This I know, for I have felt His love for me, and hope that you have too, but if you haven't, I encourage you to ask God, the Eternal Father, if he loves you, and I know that if you do, you will get the answer that he does.  Sometimes the answer isn't instantaneous, but it will come, if we have just a little faith.

So for now I will sign off, letting you all know that it's been hard here the past few weeks, but that I am trying to learn how to "glory in my infirmities" so that Gods grace will be sufficient enough for me.

Be strong, for we can do hard things

Good night,

Lacey miller